Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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