epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Oh god it's open bar.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
