After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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