u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
