I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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