i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
