A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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