My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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