I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
