You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
