my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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