my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
MIDGETS
????
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
