it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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