Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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