Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They took my balls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
