Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
