i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
