his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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