Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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