Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh god it's open bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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