the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
