i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
