If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
