Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
