I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
