I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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