These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
