Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He passed out mid-signature
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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