no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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