Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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