and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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