based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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