As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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