ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
50% drunk capacity currently
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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