So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
