she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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