he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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