it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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