3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
