Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I lost the right to judge tonight
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
