I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
