Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
