At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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