Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
