i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
