Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
More tranny stories later!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
