I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
