ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
