If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
