Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
