GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Then you guys just all showered together...?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
