He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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