Do you still have your period?
It's Friday. Sex?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I will be naked everywhere
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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