i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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