if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
