Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
