I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
