I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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