apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
