I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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