Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
