dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
