I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
