Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
