I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
