You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
