Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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