Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
