That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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