it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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