she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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