Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
