Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
