Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
