OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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