so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
