I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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