are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
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