Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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