when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
