and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
