I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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