that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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