I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
