glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
