what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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